I hate it when my parents have people over and I want to get to the kitchen
people complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties
do you know why potato is blushing
because it saw the salad dressing
my mum read this outside a mall and asked me to put it up on “that blue blog site” of mine
I TOLD HER THAT IT GOT SOME 280 NOTES AND SHE SAID SHE’LL STOP THE CAR BY THE MALL TOMORROW AND MEMORISE MORE OF THEM
MOM HANDED ME A BIG ENVELOPE SAYING I GOT IT IN THE MAIL AND BEING A SMART ASS I SAID ‘WHAT IS IT FROM THE PRESIDENT’ AND IT’S FROM THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE
APPARENTLY THEY SENT THIS BACK BECAUSE I WAS A SHIT AND INVITED THEM TO MY HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION
I’ve mastered the art of not giving a fuck while simultaneously caring way too much
does your period ever come late and you start to wonder if you’re pregnant despite the fact the most intimate thing you’ve ever done is shake hands?
DO GIRLS REALLY THINK THIS
why does ‘liking someone’ have to be this big secret?
why doesn’t everyone in the world just make it really clear?
why can’t we make t-shirts with the names of who we crush on?
why don’t we throw pianos at people and yell HELLO YOU ARE VERY ATTRACTIVE SIR
have you tried throwing a piano
When you go to someone else’s house and they’re like “Sorry for the mess”
personally i feel like romeo and juliet could have handled the situation better
we all have that one cup in our house that is somehow better than the other ones
“SAY IT TO MY FACE MOM!”
i dont like getting yelled at i literally stand there and burst into tears
it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn
does miley cyrus do anything these days besides walk around
I’m just like:
i like to push my body to the limit but not in the healthy living way more like in the how much pasta can i eat before im unable to physically move way
you know when ur in a certain position in the car where its like wow if i get in a crash im fucked
you know how sometimes apples are just ok but then you bite into a really fresh juicy one and you’re like YOOOOOOOOO
99% sure my neighbors have seen me naked through my window at least 20 times
why is being alive so expensive
You spelled “suck” wrong.
i literally can’t even tell what you’re trying to say
- why is being alive so suck
- why is being alive suck
- why is suck
- suck is being alive so expensive
- why suck so expensive
what the fuck is going on
imagine how is touch the suck
imagine how is suck the sky
im gonna be 60 years old one day and i will probably still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes in a cold sweat, wondering if i finished my homework.