Sleep when your dead

too-stoned-to-remember:

I hate it when my parents have people over and I want to get to the kitchen 

durational:

people complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties 

hitlervevo:

hitlervevo:

hitlervevo:

hitlervevo:

do you know why potato is blushing

because it saw the salad dressing

my mum read this outside a mall and asked me to put it up on “that blue blog site” of mine 

I TOLD HER THAT IT GOT SOME 280 NOTES AND SHE SAID SHE’LL STOP THE CAR BY THE MALL TOMORROW AND MEMORISE MORE OF THEM

guardiansofthefallen:

jesus-san:

IS ‘HOWDY’ SHORT FOR ‘HOW DO YOU DO’

are you fucking kidding me right now

razzledazzy:

MOM HANDED ME A BIG ENVELOPE SAYING I GOT IT IN THE MAIL AND BEING A SMART ASS I SAID ‘WHAT IS IT FROM THE PRESIDENT’ AND IT’S FROM THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE

APPARENTLY THEY SENT THIS BACK BECAUSE I WAS A SHIT AND INVITED THEM TO MY HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION

I’ve mastered the art of not giving a fuck while simultaneously caring way too much

laugh-addict:

neverholdback:

june-ontheeastcoast:

I either finish a book within 6-12 consecutive hours or roughly six months.

True story

laugh-addict:

 

when you have a pen that flows on paper so beautifully

craziestgirlalive:

jensenspudgymidway:

watson-i-am-your-turtle:

christianborles:

so2460donewithyou:

the-eleventh-blog:

does your period ever come late and you start to wonder if you’re pregnant despite the fact the most intimate thing you’ve ever done is shake hands?

DO GIRLS REALLY THINK THIS

yes

yes

yes

Yes

juststarkidding:

thegreenguitar:

why does ‘liking someone’ have to be this big secret?

why doesn’t everyone in the world just make it really clear?

why can’t we make t-shirts with the names of who we crush on?

why don’t we throw pianos at people and yell HELLO YOU ARE VERY ATTRACTIVE SIR

have you tried throwing a piano

When you go to someone else’s house and they’re like “Sorry for the mess”

personally i feel like romeo and juliet could have handled the situation better 

sassydetective:

we all have that one cup in our house that is somehow better than the other ones

laugh-addict:

 

“SAY IT TO MY FACE MOM!”

 

neonblogfreak:

pop-lock-and-dropthepj:

I love that if you look up something on google you usually get really generic photos

But if you add “tumblr” to your search you get really beautiful, artistic pictures

horsefetish:

i dont like getting yelled at i literally stand there and burst into tears

hungarian:

it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn

does miley cyrus do anything these days besides walk around 

andrewhussiesbosom:

amporacronus:

andrewhussiesbosom:

WAIT OKAY IS IT “EEEiTHER” OR “IIIIIIeITHER”

could be either one

laugh-addict:

I’m just like:

phaze-strider:

typicalbrony:

when the person who you have a crush on asks you who you have a crush on

i am reblogging chiefly for the furby in the microwave

lameborghini:

sphaghetti:

literally the tightest shit i have ever learned on this website is that when u spell the word “socks” out loud u are actually saying the spansih phrase “it is what it is”

eso si que es

ifyoucarryonthisway:

i like to push my body to the limit but not in the healthy living way more like in the how much pasta can i eat before im unable to physically move way

laugh-addict:

deodrant:

you know when ur in a certain position in the car where its like wow if i get in a crash im fucked

gossipquirrell:

you know how sometimes apples are just ok but then you bite into a really fresh juicy one and you’re like YOOOOOOOOO

africkins:

DROP THE BASS

snorlaxatives:

99% sure my neighbors have seen me naked through my window at least 20 times

bublewrap:

burningbrigids:

carry-on-my-wayward-castiel:

mspgay:

snorlaxatives:

snorlaxatives:

aaaaalrighty-then:

snorlaxatives:

why is being alive so expensive

You spelled “suck” wrong.

???????????????????????????????

i literally can’t even tell what you’re trying to say

• why is being alive so suck
• why is being alive suck
• why is suck
• suck is being alive so expensive
• why suck so expensive

?????

 

what the fuck is going on

imagine how is touch the suck

imagine how is suck the sky

im gonna be 60 years old one day and i will probably still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes in a cold sweat, wondering if i finished my homework.

laugh-addict:

 

 

Aren’t we all internet explorers?