too-stoned-to-remember:

I hate it when my parents have people over and I want to get to the kitchen 

durational:

people complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties 

hitlervevo:

hitlervevo:

hitlervevo:

hitlervevo:

do you know why potato is blushing

because it saw the salad dressing

my mum read this outside a mall and asked me to put it up on “that blue blog site” of mine 

I TOLD HER THAT IT GOT SOME 280 NOTES AND SHE SAID SHE’LL STOP THE CAR BY THE MALL TOMORROW AND MEMORISE MORE OF THEM

guardiansofthefallen:

jesus-san:

IS ‘HOWDY’ SHORT FOR ‘HOW DO YOU DO’

are you fucking kidding me right now

razzledazzy:

MOM HANDED ME A BIG ENVELOPE SAYING I GOT IT IN THE MAIL AND BEING A SMART ASS I SAID ‘WHAT IS IT FROM THE PRESIDENT’ AND IT’S FROM THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE

APPARENTLY THEY SENT THIS BACK BECAUSE I WAS A SHIT AND INVITED THEM TO MY HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION